rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
