i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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