Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
as a side note pls kill me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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