I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
