Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bring money and cleavage
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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