We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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