nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
