Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
