He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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