Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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