I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
