dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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