My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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