you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
