morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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