I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
