There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
