You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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