At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's the barista slut.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
