my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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