i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
