I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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