I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
