If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
