That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
