I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
