just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
