Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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