It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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