Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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