1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
