Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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