I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
