it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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