There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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