He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Houston, we have a blender
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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