no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
