You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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