You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
