If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
