She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I looked at my own cervix.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
