Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
they need to just BURY HIM!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize