So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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