Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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