I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
