I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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