If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
