I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
