You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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