and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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