She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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