just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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