some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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