Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
