You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
