i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
