Umm I'm too high to move.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
