my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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