I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
