is your mom at the bar?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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