she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
