i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
